Fasting.
A practice that has become both controversial and trendy all at once.
I’ve held off from writing this post for awhile for several reasons.
Most of my apprehension simply stems from the fact that I’m not a medical professional (a point that I’ve done my best to drive home in the past).
That being said, I want it to be clear that my intention here is NOT to influence you to do ANYTHING that doesn’t feel right in YOUR body.
But rather, my intention is simply to share my experiences in an effort to connect, and to reveal a little more about what’s going on in my life beyond pretty/curated Insta photos.
I’ve been practicing intermittent fasting for about a year and half now.
This means I’ll only eat between certain hours of the day to allow my body ample time and energy to digest (usually 9 am to 5 pm).
These hours (understandably) shift due to constant travel, changing time zones, etc.
However, I’ve found that after I do a big travel, a 12 – 24 hour fast upon arrival has actually helped my body adapt to the new time zone (in terms of digestion) faster than anything else.
Meaning, this practice has started to feel really grounding for me.
But wait- let’s backtrack a little.
I love food.
And, I’ve always had a healthy relationship with it.
I’ve had an “everything in moderation” approach to what I eat (within a plant based diet) for as long as I can remember.
My parents started a somewhat regular fasting practice a few years back, and- to put it plainly- I thought they were crazy for it.
I had it in my head that I could NEVER deprive myself of food for a day.
Hell, I wasn’t even interested in juice fasting at that time.
I understood the articles I read about health benefits, and I believed the healing miracle stories of friends- but I just didn’t think it was something that I would personally ever get into.
“I can’t.”
“I could never do that.”
“There’s no way I’d be able to.”
These were all common responses I’d have if the topic came up.
And these responses were what actually caught my attention.
Where exactly were these limiting beliefs stemming from?
I didn’t know- so I decided to dive a little deeper.
This is when my journey with fasting began.
I was the person who HAD to eat at least a little something before morning yoga, because otherwise I’d be “too shaky” (even if the class was at 6 am).
I was the person that would get hangry if I felt the slightest rumble of my tummy.
The person who would NEVER skip a meal.
All of which means, I entered into the world of fasting SUPER slowly.
Meaning, I began just by seeing if I could put off eating right when I woke up (usually around 6 am), to after my morning practice instead.
Not gonna lie, even this was a rough transition for me.
So, I was gentle with myself.
If I felt like I really couldn’t wait until 9 or 10 am to eat, then I’d have a piece of fruit, or another small nibble just to take the edge off.
Overtime, these small nibbles got smaller and smaller, until I was easily able to get to the 9 or 10 am mark without staring at the clock willing it to move faster.
At that point- I added the same practice to the afternoon/evening, not having anything after around 5 pm.
Again, this was difficult.
So, again, I was gentle with myself.
Until it got to the point that not only was it easy, but it was actually what my body was used to and even LIKED.
I inched my way closer to trying a 24-hour water fast slowly but surely.
This meant intermittent fasting, and then having only fruit during eating hours.
To eventually, intermittent fasting with only juice.
And now, a full 24-hours of just water and herbs.
I only just completed my first 24-hour water fast about 6 months ago.
Since then, it’s been a monthly practice (usually on the New Moon).
This means that it took over a YEAR for me to get to the point of water fasting.
Rather than jumping in head first, and then punishing myself for not being able to do it the first time around- I took it super slowly.
I listened to my body, and I honored what it asked of me.
I’d like to be clear in saying that I’m STILL not a happy, zenned out faster.
I’m not that levitating, glowing woman who actually has MORE energy.
Nope.
I’m that hangry chick in the corner who will bite your head off if you look at me the wrong way.
I say this to let you know that although I still find it difficult at the time, I also feel an immense cleansing and energetic rush in the aftermath.
It’s actually to the point now that my body CRAVES these 24-hour resets each month.
This practice has also revealed a lot to me about my relationship with food- revealing what I need versus what I want, or what I think I need.
I noticed the times in which I wanted to mindlessly munch out of habit, rather than actual necessity of fuel.
Most of all, I cultivated a deeper line of communication with my body.
These are things that might be really dangerous for others, especially those who struggle with any kind of restricted eating.
Which is why I don’t think this is a practice for everyone.
But I do know that it’s one for me.
As most of you know, I’ve been struggling with balancing my hormones since getting off birth control for the first time in 15 years.
On top of the tidal waves of emotions coming and going, I’ve also been suffering from chronic (as in 2 – 3 times per month) yeast infections for about half a year now.
Over the last 6 weeks, especially, I’ve had some incredibly low moments- where that heavy darkness felt like too much to hold, and I cried all day just because.
I’ve felt like a visitor in my body, my mind, and my heart.
It’s like I’m not the one in the driver’s seat lately, but rather my imbalanced hormones raging war on anything in their way.
Then, there’s the feeling of constantly having an itch between your legs.
Where I can’t wear a bathing suit or yoga leggings because they’re too uncomfortable.
Let alone ride a bike, or swim, or do anything that will make me sweat a lot.
I’ve seen multiple doctors, and each one just gives me more pills or creams that do help in the moment- but aren’t making any lasting changes.
I started realizing the similarity between this experience and a few years back when I had soy poisoning, which resulted in an insane spike in my estrogen levels.
Doctors wanted to give my pills to “fix” it, when in turn, these medications were only making my poor liver work overtime- which actually just made everything worse.
The more I started to dig into symptoms of Candida overgrowth, the more I started seeing myself in these cases.
This last week has been a breaking point for me, as it’s been so uncomfortable to be in my own body that I just want to sleep all day.
Not only the yeast infection- but now also painful rashes on my face, itchy scalp, and heightened depression/anxiety.
I don’t want to keep popping pills, because clearly they aren’t really helping.
So, I returned to a suggestion my mom had made a few weeks back:
An extended fast in a controlled, healing environment.
I started Googling away, and after a few days of research- I found (what I hope to be) the right place for me.
Next week I’ll be leaving for Thailand, where I’ll undergo a 10-day water (and herbal) fast for Candida overgrowth.
I’m fucking terrified.
I know this is going to be one of the hardest things that’s I’ve willingly done.
And I know that a whole lot of shit is going to come up and out during this time- both mentally and physically.
I also know that this isn’t something I can do in my own home.
Not only do I not have the self-discipline- but I also just don’t think it would be safe for me to be without the supervision and assistance of professionals.
This program includes my own specialist to monitor me, as well as daily colon therapy, massages, gentle yoga, and meditation.
I’ve decided to take the time as a full detox- meaning no social media or blogging either.
That being said, I do plan on documenting my experience- perhaps to share, but perhaps just keep for myself.
All in all, the time is for ME.
And the time is for healing (NOT weight loss).
Bottom line.
Isn’t it wild how a person who owns and operates a retreat business has never been on one before?
Well, that’s about to change in a pretty radical way.
Here’s to a new year filled with health, abundance and facing my fears.
I’m scared shitless, but I’m so damn ready it’s not even funny.
Bring it on.